#anyway if u wanna commission me check out my patreon!!

[cinnaminsvga]

forever fools | tddup!spinoff

→ summary: jieun learns that saying goodbye is a two-way street, and sometimes it's easy to forget to look both ways before crossing.

{or alternatively: here's some sad lesbian angst ft. sana from twice}

→ genre: angst, slight fluff/humor, tddup!au → word count: 5.8K → a/n: this was commissioned by my lovely patron haley, to whom i am forever grateful for. i don't know if this is what you were expecting, but hopefully you enjoy it!! thank you again for being such a great star in my life!! if anyone else is interested in commissioning me for works like this, head over to my patreon (link in description) for more details. without further ado, here’s some lesbian greek goddess angst lmao!!

There’s something strange about looking at an empty bedroom, Jieun thinks as she snaps her last suitcase closed with a note of finality reverberating in the still air. The normally cluttered closet stands forlornly against the wall like a shell, the floor looks pristinely white for the first time in a century, and the window sill is devoid of all the little succulents that Demeter had given her from the first day she had arrived at Olympus. Above all, what unsettles her the most is the fact that the room did not look like it has ever been lived in at all. Jieun shakes her head, a small smile of amusement gracing her face. The cleaning naiads truly do not hold any prisoners when it comes to dust and dirt.

As she looks around her room, it is hard for her to keep the nostalgia at bay. After all, for the longest time, Jieun has called this place home––an oasis away from the terrible migraines and playful chaos that happens on a regular basis while working as an Olympian. It is the one place where she can escape when Zeus’ antics would get a little bit too much. While she did sleep in the same bed as him on most nights (not quite out of her own desire, but rather, because of a sense of duty that compels her to stay faithful to Zeus), she always did like slinking away to her little haven whenever she had the time.

She does not know what this room will be used for, since Y/N has expressed her desire to stay by Zeus’ side. Jieun chuckles at the memory of a red-faced Y/N when she had explained her reasons, saying something along the lines of “I need to keep both eyes on that man-sized toddler” even though her rapidly beating heart and flushed cheeks said otherwise. Oh, the beauty of young love.

In the midst of her contemplations, she hears a knock outside her window pane despite her room being high up in the heavens. Normally, most mortals would be confused as to who would have the ability to climb thousands of meters up into the air, but since Jieun is a goddess (or soon to be an ex-goddess, to be exact), things like this are hardly ever out of the ordinary. Even more so, Jieun knows exactly who the intruder is, because no one else would be crazy enough to disturb her privacy and wear those gaudy winged Gucci slippers with a stupid grin on their handsome face.

“Someone called for the bellboy?” Hermes says in lieu of a greeting as Jieun opens the window for him to enter through. Hermes flops down from the window sill, his Gucci slides thumping loudly against the carpeted floor. He takes the suitcase away from Jieun’s hand, who almost seems reluctant to let go. Noticing her mournful face, Hermes steps closer to her, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly.

“Hey, you doing okay, Hera? I know it must be weird. Hell, I think it’s gonna be weird not hearing you nag me all the time,” Hermes jokes, but his voice drips with sadness. In truth, Jieun always did appreciate Hermes’ presence, especially since the two of them had become gods at around the same time period. Jieun has promised herself that she wouldn’t cry in front of the others, but somehow seeing the usually upbeat god looking so forlorn was making her tear ducts moisten against her will.

“Nah, I’m fine. We all knew this was coming, sooner or later. Besides,” Jieun huffs, pinching the younger’s cheek with a smirk. He whines, but doesn’t do anything to push her hand away. “Even when I die, something tells me that you’re going to be visiting me in the Underworld more often than you did when I was here on Olympus.”

At that, the trickster god laughs, his ears reddening at the accusation that the two of them knew was true. He shrugs his shoulders, the sadness abated for now. There is more than enough time to be sad in the future. “Perhaps. Don’t tell Yoongi though, because I’m going to be using the excuse that I miss you for the next millennia until he starts to get suspicious of my frequent visits.”

“Something tells me he wouldn’t mind either way,” Jieun smirks, ruffling the boy’s hair in endearment. Hermes gives her a wicked grin, neither agreeing nor denying the claim.

“This is the last of your belongings, right? No need to call the Anemoi to help bring your stuff down to your new home?” Hermes says, lifting the suitcase to check its weight. He whistles when he feels how light it is. “Damn. You really don’t have a lot of stuff on you, huh? You’ve been living here for the past 1000 years so I had expected at least a few more bags, if I’m being honest.”

Jieun shrugs, gesturing around her room. “This bedroom was honestly just as much as a storage space as it was a hiding spot, and there wasn’t a lot of room to keep things over the centuries. Plus, I was never into material things, so the things I have are mostly necessities rather than memorabilia.”

Hermes shakes his head, a fond smile on his lips. “Ah, the frugal Asian in you really hasn’t disappeared even after all these years, huh?”

“You can take the girl out of Asia, but you can’t take the Asian out of the girl,” Jieun laughs, pushing Hermes out of her room. “Now get out of my room––I have to start doing last minute preparations for the wedding and I can’t do that with an annoying twink in my room.”

“Who are you calling annoying? That’s no way to treat your bellboys! A tip would be very appreciated, by the way,” Hermes whines, but he slips out of the window regardless.

“I’ll give you the tip of my strap if you keep delaying! Now shoo!”

Hermes snorts, winking salaciously at her. “Oh, you know what this baby boy likes, huh?” he says, guffawing loudly when Jieun goes to grab his ankles from her window sill. Floating outside with her suitcase in tow, Hermes gives her one final goofy salute before he is off to deposit the last of her belongings in her new mortal abode.

Left to her own devices once more, Jieun walks over to her closet, where a single white dress hangs loosely like a ghost. She thumbs the fabric, an odd feeling rising up her chest at the sight of it. This is the dress that she would be wearing to the wedding, an heirloom that has been passed down for generations after each Hera has passed the torch to the next. She remembers the previous Hera wearing this exact dress during her union with the previous Zeus, remembers the way the dress had made her previous mentor look spectral in a way––as if she was already gone before she had even left.

The thought jars her, and she rips her hand away. She wipes her palms against her jeans, feeling sweat start to build for whatever reason.

Unwilling to stay in this empty room for much longer, Jieun is thinking of having some last minute checks with Y/N to see how she is holding up when two small bodies crash through the door in a flurry of limbs. Jieun hardly flinches when the two girls stand up in noisily, their giggles giving her the impression that they may not be as a sober as she hopes they would be. Demeter is the first one to straighten up long enough to shoot her a wide smile.

“Hera! What are you doing here being all mopey and sentimental? You’ve got a party to catch!” Demeter laughs, her potent intoxication causing sprouts to grow out of her head. Hestia smiles, more reserved than the younger (or was it elder? Demeter is certainly older when it came to human years) but clearly just as out of it, as she plucks the small plant and tucks it into her own ear.

“I’m not being mopey,” Jieun frowns, mopey. She gives the two other goddesses an appraising look. “And what party are you talking about? I’m assuming it’s my surprise farewell party from the Facebook event that our lovely Eos accidentally invited me to.”

Hestia gasps, slapping her head comically as she looks at Demeter in disbelief. “That stupid bitch! I told you that we should’ve used Eventbrite instead!”

“Either way,” Jieun interrupts, watching as the two continually sway on their feet. “That doesn’t explain why the two of you are already drunk out of your minds when the supposed party hasn’t even started.” She suspects they must have also gotten a hold of Dionysus’ secret stash of godly pot, because she knows the two girls aren’t exactly the lightest drinkers. Either that or the excessive amount of binge watching shitty Netflix shows has finally caused their limited brain cells to deplete.

“Who says the party hasn’t started?” Demeter grins, tugging Jieun by the wrist and out of her room. Before Jieun can turn to take one last look at her old bedroom, Hestia closes the door with a bang, and somehow Jieun knows that this might be one of the last times she’ll ever get to see it.

Hestia has the decency to shoot her a guilty look. “We weren’t purposefully gonna start the party before we brought you there, of course. But Wendy-unnie over here––” Demeter squawks at the use of her human name, slapping her shoulder playfully, but not appearing entirely as offended as Jieun had expected, “––saw that they were serving spiked nectar that Iris stole from Dionysus so really… Can you blame us?”

Jieun rolls her eyes playfully, a smirk gracing her lips. “Of course, that explains everything. How could I be so selfish?”

Demeter manhandles her until they reach the Chariot Room (which is basically just a garage with a mismatch of vehicles from every time period imaginable; they bypass the Hatsune Miku chariot with averted eyes.) They approach one of the more modern vehicles, parked near the exit of the garage. Jieun looks at the license plate and notices that its Artemis’ silver car that she uses when she does her nightly moon journey.

“Please tell me Artemis actually let you take her car and we’re definitely not going to hotwire it––aaaand of course you’re hotwiring it,” Jieun groans, watching helplessly as the two younger girls start doing who knows what to the poor car. If the car had been sentient, she is sure it would be filing a sexual harassment case with how much tinkering they were doing.

“It was her idea to host the party anyway, so sucks to be her!” Hestia says defensively, her brows furrowed in concentration as she conjures magical fire out of her hands to help… whatever it is that Demeter was doing. Jieun does not want to know where Demeter pulled out the tube of toothpaste from, and why it was needed to hotwire a car.

“I really don’t understand why we need to celebrate my departure anyway. It’s not like I’m leaving forever; in fact, I’m probably going to have to deadbolt my apartment to keep you vermin from breaching my privacy,” Jieun jokes, snickering when she sees the affronted look that Hestia shoots her. “What? You look at me as if I were lying.”

“Well, you look at me as if I haven’t been pestering you ever since I turned from drab ol’ human Yeri and into the banging goddess that I am today!” Hestia says, her eyes lighting up gleefully.

Jieun snorts. “You’re right. You’ve been a pain in my ass ever since you existed. How foolish of me to think otherwise.”

Seconds later, Hestia and Demeter make a noise of contentment when the car whirs to life, signalling that whatever they had done had miraculously worked. (Again, Jieun doesn’t want to know, and the less she knows, the easier it is for her to escape Artemis’ wrath later on.)

“But seriously,” Demeter begins, standing up and hopping into the driver’s seat. Before Jieun can even argue, Hestia takes the passenger seat, sticking her tongue out petulantly like the supposedly “banging” goddess that she was. “Artemis and Persephone planned this party mostly to get back on your good side after they got mad at you for making Y/N marry the thunder twerp. Which, I mean… Can you blame them? He’s a fucking loser and Y/N is… Well. Have you seen her ass?”

Jieun jumps into the backseat, a huff of air punched out of her lungs when she realizes she just sat on one of Artemis’ stray buttplugs, poking itself into the small of her back. Jieun gingerly picks it up, throwing it against the back of Hestia’s head. “Yes, I can blame them. At the end of the day, it’s my decision who succeeds me as Hera and I needed to choose quickly because my time was almost up. Y/N just so happened to make the perfect candidate, so they had no right to be angry at my decision.”

Demeter grumbles. “Yeah, I know you’re right. It’s just that we really thought you were on the lesbians’ sides... No wonder you never showed up to the blood compact, traitor,” Demeter says, no bite to her tone. The smirk on her face tells Jieun that she’s far from mad. “Still, I would’ve loved to have Y/N join our little dyke trysts. Do you think maybe she’s bi?”

“Who knows?” Jieun muses, staring out the window as Demeter clicks for the garage doors to open. The sunny open sky greets them as the three women start driving out of Olympus and to wherever it is that the party was located. If Jieun squints hard enough, she thinks she can see the mortals milling about on earth, where she’ll be in just a few more hours. A mortal, once more.

“And besides, there are other mortal girls that Artemis and Persephone can find,” Jieun says, looking away from the view to glance at Demeter’s reflection from the rear-view mirror. When the agricultural goddess notices, she gives her a knowing look.

Despite her inebriation, Demeter manages to safely drive them to the party, which happens to be the mansion where the nine Muses are known to live in.  Demeter parks the car haphazardly, uncaring for the rules of parallel parking and all codes of ethics as she takes up the entire driveway before turning off the ignition. Hestia is the first to jump out, stretching her legs and ready to race back towards the party.

“C’mon, slowpokes! The nectar is getting warm,” she calls out, rushing towards the door where the sounds of laughter and singing can be heard even from the garden.

“Remind me to keep her away from the alcohol during the wedding,” Jieun murmurs to Demeter. The other girl only grins wildly, and Jieun knows that there really isn’t any use depending on her when it comes to the topic of sobriety.

Jieun and Demeter follow after Hestia to find the party already in full swing. Demeter loudly announces over the din to tell everyone that the celebrant has arrived, and a chorus of welcome’s come from all around. Jieun flushes under the attention, never one to go to full out raging parties in the first place, least of all the ones dedicated to her. Regardless, she walks around to greet everyone, thanking them for coming despite their inebriation rendering most of them useless to anything other than them replying with raucous giggling and hugging.

Artemis and Persephone somehow find their way towards her, stumbling through the crowd and piling their drunken bodies onto her to capture her in the tightest bear hug imaginable. Jieun laughs under their assault, using up all her strength to pull away long enough to see that their faces are already decorated with lipstick smudges and other stains that Jieun has no desire to learn about.

“Jieeeeeeun, you came!” Artemis cries, rubbing her cheeks against Jieun’s. She already feels the lipstick rubbing itself uncomfortably against her skin, but she does not pull away out of politeness. “I thought you wouldn’t come!”

“And why is that?” Jieun asks, awkwardly patting the babbling younger as she starts to hiccup from both intoxication and excessive emotions. “Also, who told you that you’re allowed to call me by my human name, young lady? I’m still Hera to you until tomorrow evening.”

“Sorry, she’s a little tipsy,” Persephone giggles, prying herself and Artemis away from Jieun to let her take her first breath in over a minute. “But seriously Hera, we’re really sorry about how we acted with the whole Y/N thing. We shouldn’t have gone ballistic on you and called you a hetero on Twitter. That was definitely uncalled for and totally barbaric of us.”

“Don’t worry, kids. I was hardly phased by your insults,” Jieun smirks, giggling at the absolute sorrow and guilt contorting the archer goddess’ face. “Really.”

“But it’s so out of line! No one deserves to be called a het, not when you’re so fucking gorgeous and sexy and hey are you free tomorrow evening––” Artemis starts hiccuping incoherently, and Persephone has to wheel her away before she can embarrass herself further.

“We’ll talk later when I sober her up! Have fun tonight, okay? We’re willing to take our ‘punishment’ later for our terrible crimes, if you know what I mean.” Persephone winks, pushing her friend away to the kitchen, probably to get more drunk and grind against each other. Jieun stores away this scene away into her memory for blackmail later on.

After her encounter with the two hosts, Jieun decides to circle the rest of the room. She greets a few familiar faces, including the actual people who live in this mansion. The Muses that she greets are at various stages of drunk, but most of them welcome her warmly despite their incoherency. When Jieun enters the main dining hall, she can only watch worriedly as the Muse of comedy hangs precariously from the chandelier while wearing nothing but a silk black robe.

“Thalia, don’t make me fucking burn your clit off again! The chandelier is going break under your fat ass. Get down from there or else––SOMI!” Polymnia cries, almost missing a stray foot to the face. The crowd hoots at the display, egging the comedian on. “This is your last warning!”

Jieun chuckles at their antics, but she can’t help but notice that she has only seen eight of the sisters so far. Her palms begin to sweat, knowing full well who the missing Muse is and wonders if she might have chosen not to attend due to the argument that still lies fresh on both their minds. She feels the disappointment start to build up in her stomach, thinking that the Muse of tragedy truly wants to avoid her like she had feared.

After Jieun circles the whole living room to give her regards to all the other party-goers, she decides to head upstairs to one of the balconies to get some fresh air. She sees a few more straggling guests, most of them too preoccupied to properly respond to Jieun’s soft greetings since their faces are currently entrenched in other endeavors at the moment. Still, Jieun doesn’t mind as she passes by the bedrooms to the slide open the balcony door and allow the soft afternoon breeze to caress her face.

Since her eyes are closed when she welcomes the gentle wind to blow around her, she does not immediately notice two things.

One, there is a giant ice sculpture in Jieun’s perfect likeness, with all her curves and imperfections open to the world to see. The summer heat does not melt the sculpture, but this is not a surprise when it comes to the power of gods (plus, someone placed a small ice bath around it, though Jieun does not know why that would be of any help whatsoever.)

Two, she is not alone.

Melpomene stands idly by the edge of the balcony, her gaze trained away from Jieun. She knows that the Muse has noticed her presence, because her shoulders are hunched up in a way that only means that she is on guard and ready to flee at a moment’s notice. The Muse of tragedy stares up at the sky, neither of them saying a word as the two of them quietly listen to the muted music from the party downstairs and the sound of drunken naiads prancing wildly in the gardens.

The sun has begun to descend, but Jieun notices the way it slinks across the sky irregularly, almost as if a toddler were just slapping it across the sky like a tennis ball. Instead of the usual twilight transition that is familiar to most people, the sun appears to transform immediately into the moon, as if a light switch had been turned on and suddenly it was night time. The sky darkens immediately, and the world around them is bathed in stars.

Melpomene must have been sensed Jieun’s confusion because she offers up an explanation, voice scratchy from misuse. She sounds sober, unlike the rest of her sisters. “It’s Apollo. Artemis got him to take her shift as the moon for today,” she says, never once looking back at Jieun. She continues to stare at the random spirals that Jieun now knows is the work of Apollo’s disastrous driving skills. Poor kid.

“Well, he only did become the newest Apollo a few months ago. Although, I wouldn’t say that Artemis should have trusted him to do the night shift when he can hardly do his own day shift,” Jieun comments, pursing her lips as Apollo does a steep nosedive before thankfully going back on course.

Melpomene does not reply. The two of them stand in awkward silence, and Jieun has no idea how to break it. She wants desperately to speak to her, knowing that it wouldn’t sit well if she left Olympus knowing that one of her dearest friends stayed mad at her. She fidgets beside her, mouth opening and closing shut as she thinks of something to talk about.

“Hah, speaking of Apollo… Do you remember who came before him? I never even knew his human name,” Jieun starts, already beginning to spew out whatever nonsense comes to mind.

“Never really liked the sixth generation Apollo. He always gave off a lecherous vibe, and we were all so excited to see him leave. I remember how Hermes had gifted him a stink bomb disguised as a bath bomb for a goodbye gift… I could smell the stench all the way from Olympus. I’m lowkey worried that all of you are itching to kick me off as well and pull a stink bomb on me,” Jieun jokes, but her voice cracks imperceptibly, giving herself away.

Even though she tries to keep her voice lighthearted, deep down, she doesn’t even know if anyone will actually be sorry to see her gone. Sure, this party is dedicated to her, but that’s hardly a reason for her to believe that any of these people like her. Olympians are notorious for latching on to any reason to throw a party; hell, she solemnly remembers when Poseidon’s goldfish laid its first egg and they had partied for a whole week.

At the end of the day, she is just another mortal. Who is she to expect that anyone would remember her in a few thousand centuries?

There is something about her words and her tone that makes Melpomene snap out of her silence, eyes blazing with a fury so intense that it surprises Jieun. She gapes at the angry brunette, who corners her to the edge of the balcony until her butt bumps against the cool surface. When Jieun looks over her shoulder, she sees that the naiads from the garden have gone elsewhere, leaving the two of them alone.

Melpomene jabs her finger right into Jieun’s sternum, her hand shaking with emotion. “How fucking dare you insinuate that no one will miss you. How fucking dare you think that anyone would ever forget you!”

For a moment, Jieun is at a loss for words. Jieun splutters indignantly, wondering where Melpomene’s misplaced anger was coming from. She stares wide-eyed at the younger and wonders if her irritation stems from something more. “It was just a joke,” she says, lamely.

“A joke? Is that what you think everything is?” Melpomene laughs, and Jieun thinks the flower inside her heart wilts at the sound. It’s harsh, a sound wave that grates against her eardrums. The younger is never one to laugh without mirth, despite the nature of her role as the Muse of tragedy, but Jieun knows that the tormented tone in her voice is no longer because of the tragic tales she weaves in her stories––

It’s because of her.

“You betrayed us, didn’t you know? We all thought that we had more years to spend with you, and you just suddenly drop the bomb on us that your death day was coming,” she cries out, tears welling up in her eyes. Jieun’s hands itch to wipe them away. “Do you have any idea how terrible it is to find out that the person you love more than anyone in the world is going to leave you forever?”

Love. She loves her.

Somehow, the words don’t make sense to her.

“I’m not going to leave forever,” Jieun says instead, irises flitting about and unable to stay still. Her legs burn where they touch Melpomene’s own, and she wants to pull her closer and never let go. “I already told you last week that you’ll be able to visit me as a human until the Fates cut my string. I didn’t betray anyone.”

The tragedian’s nostrils flare, and she clutches Jieun’s shoulders tightly, as if she was afraid she would disappear if she didn’t hold on quick enough. When Jieun observes her closely, she notices the way her lips quiver with the effort of keeping it together. I did this to her, Jieun thinks sadly. Is this what love does?

“Did I mean nothing to you, then?” Melpomene murmurs, voice shaky as a leaf. She digs her nails into the back of Jieun’s shoulders, but she doesn’t mind the pain if it lets the younger steady herself. Anything. Take anything from me.

“If I truly meant something to you, you would’ve known that things like this matter to me. You should’ve cared, but you didn’t.”

Jieun exhales, tongue thick in her mouth. “Sana––”

“Don’t call me that!” She shouts, wrenching her hands away from her body as if she had been burned. Her absence hurt Jieun more than any of the scars from the wars she has fought––not even the agony of Zeus’ lightning bolt can compare to this pain. Melpomene stalks away from her, and it is only when she separates herself from Jieun that she allows the tears to fall.

Even when she was crying, Jieun can’t help but think that she is the most beautiful person that she has ever seen.

“Mel,” Jieun tries again. It hurts knowing that she has probably lost the precious gift of being able to call her by her true name, and it twists her heart painfully to realize that she will never get to experience the sweet taste of her name on her tongue ever again. “None of us are immortal, Mel. We’re all bound to pass, just like our predecessors. You should have known my time was limited. And besides, we’ll meet again in the Underworld––”

“Don’t you get it?” she seethes. She turns away from Jieun then, not allowing her the opportunity to watch helplessly as the only girl she’s ever cared for starts to openly weep for her, a living corpse. The weight of time has never felt so suffocating until then. “The Underworld is different. By then, it would have been centuries of us having to stay apart, and who is to say we’ll find each other again? Hades told me how difficult it is for lovers to reunite and how they often forget about each other by the time they do meet again. How can you be so nonchalant about this––?”

“Melpomene, my love,” Jieun whispers, and she takes a tentative step towards her. When she gingerly places a palm against her back, she feels the younger tense, but she does not move away. Jieun carefully slides her arms around her waist, embracing her loosely as she nuzzles her face into her back. She takes a shaky breath. “I’m still here, aren’t I? We lasted centuries before ever meeting, and I’m sure I’ll keep waiting for you for another more. Why worry so soon when we have time?”

At her words, Melpomene starts to shake violently, the sound of her sobs echoing into the night. Jieun refuses to let go, trying so hard to make the other girl understand she hasn’t died––not yet. She’s only ever felt alive whenever she’s around the tragedian, and that hasn’t changed even after centuries of stolen kisses in the meadows and whispered promises in the shadows.

Even in the light, those promises will hold true. Jieun will make sure of it.

“I’m scared,” Melpomene eventually says after a few minutes of sobbing, still faced away from her lover in fear of breaking more. But when Jieun gently cups her cheeks to face her, she can’t help but follow her touch like a moth to a flame. Jieun’s heart breaks at the sight of her swollen eyes, the look of pure devastation spilling the contents of her soul to anyone who can see. Melpomene continues, “I’m scared that we’ll forget.”

“I know,” Jieun whispers, and she suddenly notices the wetness on her own face––she’s been crying, too. Melpomene begins to brush them away, just as Jieun goes to brush them off as well. Melpomene lets out a watery giggle when their hands clumsily bump against each other.

Jieun grabs her hand before she can pull away. She squeezes tight. “It’s fine to be scared, you know? And I know it’s hard to see me go, but is it really harder to believe that I won’t leave you alone?”

“It’s not, but I can’t help but worry––”

“Mel, I have to tell you something,” Jieun interrupts, and she tries to sound firm to fully make her understand. She wants––no, needs her to understand that there is nothing to fear. “My time with you has meant so much to me, even more so than the time I spent with my own husband. You know this, don’t you?”

At the mention of the god of thunder, Melpomene lets out another bitter laugh like before, and a single fat tear rolls down her face. “Ah, Zeus. How could I forget? At the end of the day, how am I even sure that you felt the same way I did? I was only a mistress––a secret kept away from everyone because you had to keep your queenly status. Whereas for me? I was just someone you fancied when there was no one to hold, someone to keep your bed warm––”

“That’s not true,” Jieun says, staring wide-eyed at the girl’s accusation. “You know that’s not true. I cared for you more than I can even bare to handle.”

“Don’t lie. I’ve seen the way you look at Zeus,” Melpomene counters, head shaking in exhaustion. She’s no longer angry, only tired from all the worries and anxieties that have haunted her for years, perhaps even for centuries. “You might not know it, but you always did look sad when you looked at him, because you knew that he would never love you the way you loved him.”

“It’s true that I love him,” Jieun begins, taking a shuddering breath. She lets out a laugh of her own, as mirthless and weary as she felt. “But it’s not the same way I feel for you.”

At those words, Melpomene scoffs, pulling away from Jieun. She begins to walk away, gaze downcast as she goes to slide open the balcony door and rejoin the party. “Even now, you can’t say those three words back to me,” she murmurs, putting on the strongest smile she can muster. It disappears just as quickly as the wind.

Before Melpomene can walk away far enough, Jieun rushes towards her and grasps her hand in her own. It isn’t even strong enough to really stop her, and Jieun’s loose grip tells Melpomene that she can leave if she really wants to.

But she doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t.

She doesn’t because she can’t, and wouldn’t want to. Despite all the worries bubbling within her, all of them threatening to erupt and destroy everything that she has come to know and love, there is one thing that keeps Melpomene sane. It is just so unfortunate that the same person who used to make her heart flutter and her soul sing symphonies is the very same person who has the power to cause everything to fall apart.

At the end of the day, she is only mortal. She can pretend to be the Muse of tragedy, who is able to weave sorrow into words just as quickly as a seasoned archer is able to draw their bow. All the talent in the world can never erase the fact that she is just a girl, and she fears just as much as she loves.

When Jieun leans forward, her breath mingling with hers in a slow waltz, the stars reflect themselves off of her eyes. They were made for you, is the last thing thinks Melpomene before her lips are millimeters away from her lover’s, until the space between them is nothing more than something that happened once in a dream. Jieun’s gravity pulls her closer still, until there is nothing more to give.

I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours, her heart beat thunders against her eardrums, urging Jieun to hear. She wonders if she has doomed herself, like the protagonists in her tragedies.

Melpomene pulls away for a split second, enough to gather air into her lungs which she will inevitably waste as she presses against Jieun and she is left breathless and lightheaded. This. This is what I will remember during the nights we will spend away from another. I hope you don’t forget them, too.

The party downstairs continues to rage on. The two lovers kiss by the balcony, with an audience of stars to keep them company. Melpomene fools herself into thinking that time will wait for them, if she just prays hard enough.

But she knows how tragedies end, and so she weeps.

[bonkalore]

Alright, I’m gonna be real with you all.... I am broke af rn....

And I need help....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here’s the short version:

This fund is specifically for Sizecon bc I’ve been going for the past 2 years it’s been active but it’s also a part of my income since it’s the only place I sell stuff at....and I need to start preparing for tickets and such now if I’m planning to go this July 28-29th in NY (tho we’ll likely be staying about a week). 

With the calculated costs of con tickets, plane tickets, hotel room, food & transportation, as well as pet sitting while we’re gone, the total has come up to at least $1,300 needed for the trip.... (some of it was rounded and some I don’t even know for sure so it could end up being more tbh... I wish it wasn’t)    

Our living situation changed in the past year and I've been struggling to make ends meet (esp after our massive vet bills ending in 2 birds passing anyway in Feb)and now have no money I can save for this con at the end of July...

*That's where you guys can help make this hope of mine come true!* (And if I don't make enough for the con, just know all your money will be helping me anyway just to survive!) 

 Any bit helps! ;o;

~*Here’s the funding pool link on my paypal!*~

-And if you want to support but also get something out of it, just a reminder I still have LOTS of prints and merch leftover from last year still as well!-

*Also, if you personally are going to the con yourself and donate $5+ I’ll give you a free print and button of your choice there! ;u; (pls give me your email if you do and relay it to me while there in person so I know who to give the stuff out to!)*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Longer and more painful situation under the cut.....

But tbh, I had been thinking about setting up a donation pool in general with how bad things have been going. I already had patreons and felt hesitant to start one, but with my depression being so bad for so long and unmedicated, I’ve had a hard time keeping up with those and don’t feel I’ve really earned the money till I’ve finished what I owe... And I owe so much now that I can’t even try to take on commissions to make up for it.

I tried getting health insurance a while back to cover behavioral health bc that’s what I needed most to get me to work regularly again... but it turns out all the clinics for that out her suck ass apparently so I’m just wasting all my money and I feel like an idiot and now it’s just another thing to stress over... I feel dumb even admitting/explaining it but $400/mo for health insurance is something I can’t even afford and I need to fix that asap now bc I’m literally running out of money. Not to mention all the vet bills we had back in Feb when Birb’s health declined again and then even the budgie, who we both inevitably had to put down only weeks from each other... I never asked for help then tho I probably should have... We spent over $1k just in that month with trying to help them and then just for paying for euthanization and ashes... Also part of the reason I got so behind on work stuff. I’m still hardly coping (and actually tearing up just writing it out tbh).

Our living situation changed in the past year and I hardly said much online, but it’s just been Zuka and I mostly paying for the house bills since her family went to live in CA in an already furnished house for a year to do a job with someone. They had a good deal and took it, and while I’m glad to finally having the house to ourselves, it’s been hard doing everything and paying on bills more... And I feel horrible I can’t even help support Zuka more and myself bc of my health insurance bill that I couldn’t even use to help solve the real problem: my crippling depression that I’ve been dealing with horrifically already with the past 3 years (technically longer but it’s been so bad to the point where I wish I had disability for it bc I’m not working to make any money and I’ve been living off savings for that long and now I’m running totally dry). I currently have less than $1k in my bank account shared between my checking and savings... I have more in my paypal, but like I said, I don’t even count all of that yet until I finish my work owed in case of needed refunds.... After this next billing coming up in a few days for the end of the month I’m gonna have close to maybe $500 left.... My patreons have helped me survive scraping by just for this long at least but even that isn’t enough right now and things are dire. I’m really feeling fucked rn. Like I said... any bit helps. I could go into it more but honestly it’s just... I don’t wanna bother writing out more pathetic shit about myself and I’m sure nobody wants to bother reading it either and I don’t blame you... I get even more depressed just thinking about it. Everything has just plummeted and I’ve been wanting this year to be better and have been really trying but there’s only so much I can do without the proper care and medication I need.... I feel most of it is my fault and I’m just a useless piece of shit that’s continuing to be a burden but that’s what severe depression does.... It’s been a while since I’ve even wanted to consider suicide, but boy does not existing or being conscious at all sound great...

Please help me if you’re able... I’ve been in a rough spot for a while now... Thanks for bothering reading any of this if you did.